Abolish the Penny

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Practice "down-writing" (a.k.a rewording with simpler diction) the following phrases from the article:
  • penny-pinching horde
  • pesky penny
  • long-overdue coin reform
  • frazzled pollsters, surly op-ed pages, snarling cable talkfests and issue-starved candidates
What are potential benefits of a simpler tone? On the other hand, discuss Safire's more humorous approach.